Gollum turns down Radio X slot

“I’d rather Jack Than Steve Lamacq” claims ring troll


You probably forget now but a couple of months ago we were simultaneously underwhelmed and made vaguely queasy when Xfm decided to come clean about just how shit it was and relaunch as Radio X, employing a fat retired gobshite to ramble on to anyone who cared to tune in. News now reaches us that Lord Of The Rings star Smeagol, having also played Ian Dury in a biopic, was first approached for the position but turned it down. It’s thought the diminutive ring fancier was afraid that spending all his time in a dark studio surviving on crisps and facile text messages while playing a parade of landfill indie filth would turn him into Steve Lamacq. A fate he described as ‘a living death, my precioussses. i’d rather Jack’


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